Reflections

As I enter into this new phase of my life, I've been almost forced to pause and reflect. I can't say I've been reflecting much on the relationship that is ending. I've done that already. 

There are many pivotal moments or experiences in our lives that really help shape the person we become. People come in and out of our lives and leave impressions on our souls. Sometimes we don't realize the magnitude of these moments or relationships until later. Here are some of the moments and experiences that have had an impact on me.

1. The first time I saw my little brother, Richard. I wasn't even four years old yet, but I remember being filled with so much joy and excitement to be a big sister. My parents sent me to Michigan for the summer right before he was born and when I returned, there he was! My cute, baby brother!! He had the biggest eyes. I remember thinking he looked like a frog. 

2. Walking through our house after it had caught fire. I remember the smell of the ash and dampness of the water from the fire hoses. I remember walking into my bedroom and seeing my Princess Bed destroyed, my stuff animals and my precious books ruined. That was truly the last day of my childhood. 

3. Spending summers with my grandma, brothers and sometimes my cousins. We would travel up and down the east coast working craft fairs and Renaissance Festivals on the weekends and spend the weeks in Pennsylvania with Aunt Joyce. We would stop at Meadow Brook Farm for ice cream. I always had to get mint chocolate chip.

4. Having dance parties in the living room with my brothers while my mom was out fighting fires or cutting people out of wrecked cars. I'm sure the neighbors thought we were having raves while my mom was away with all of the loud music and strobe lights. I'm just glad we had the scanner so we knew when mom was back in the station and we could wrap up the party and act like we were just watching TV the whole time she was gone.

5. Spending some weekends with my grandparents. Poppy was always resting his eyes watching old Westerns. In the evenings, we would watch Golden Girls and eat chocolate ice cream. 

6. Spending weekends with my best friend, Betsy playing Barbies when we were younger and then writing crazy stories when we were older. We'd listen to music and plan what we would call our band when we were rock stars.

7. My first Nine Inch Nails concert. I went with Betsy and her mom. I know that is a night we will never, ever forget. The night was filled with crowd surfing, mosh pits, things I cannot repeat in a public forum, Betsy passing out and me catching her. That might have been the concert that completely changed my life or at least stripped away a few layers of innocence. 

8. The day I graduated college. I was so proud of myself that day. I felt like I was finally living up to my expectations. I had just been hired full time as a paralegal at a big firm downtown. I was educated. I was living on my own. I was FINALLY an adult! Unfortunately, that was before the days of camera phones. So, I have no pictures of me actually graduating. It really did happen though. I have the paper that proves it.

9. The day we found out Poppy's cancer came back. We were at the Mayo Clinic in Tampa. I drove my grandma, Poppy and my cousin, Jenni down there for Poppy's 6 week follow up visit after his surgery. The cancer was already back, but I remember him looking at me as he put his hand on my leg and he said he was going to fight. He was going to keep going and he wasn't going to let it win. I cried, but I believed if anyone would do it, he could do it. 

10. The day I completed my first marathon. Really, the entire experience leading up to it changed me, but to actually complete it and feel the pain, the joy, the emotion of it all was like nothing else. Of course, I proclaimed I would NEVER do such a thing EVER again - until the next year. 

Those are some of the experiences that really come to mind right now. But what about the people? Who has changed my life?

1. My mom. Sure, she's imperfect. Really, we grew up together, but how many women do you know who have a kid at that age of 16 still go on to finish high school. Then she became an EMT. Then she went back to school to become a paramedic. Then she became a firefighter. She raised her own three children and then another four. She does everything in her power to help others, especially those who have lost their homes to a fire. She helps the community in so many ways. I only hope one day be half the woman she is.

2. My grandpa (Poppy). Poppy was the greatest man in my life. If there was ever someone I could count on, it was him. He was kind and loving, but also the disciplinarian. He was tough and strong. I'm pretty sure he could do anything. He could ride horses. He drove a semi. He could stop you in your tracks just clearing his throat. Unfortunately, he wasn't able to beat cancer. He tried. I think he fought it more than any other human on the planet. The day he died our family changed forever.  I remembered thinking my kids will never know him. They will never know one of the best people in my life. I think that's been one of the most tragic thoughts I've ever had. 

3. My best friend, Betsy. We've been through everything together. We've survived our parents getting divorce. We survived the NIN concert. We survived high school. We survived a lot of stuff together and had about as much fun as we possibly could doing it. I think the moment I realized just how much a part of my life she was was almost two years ago when she had to have an emergency C-section. Her baby was dying but she was only 30 weeks along. I was talking to her right up until they wheeled her into the operating room. Unfortunately, I was only talking to her on the phone because she was in Delaware and I was in Florida. It seemed like an eternity before I heard back. All I could think of was what if something happens to her? What would my life be like without her? What would her husband do with four kids and no Betsy? Then I thought how tragic if the baby died! What would she do? I was up all night looking a flights and thinking how I could get there quickly. Thankfully, both Betsy and baby ended up being just fine.

These are probably the three people who have had the biggest impact from my early life until now. 

Over the last few years, I've had some amazing people come into my life, and even if we don't talk every day or see each other often, they have still had quite an impact on my life. I know I would not be where I am right now without them.

1. Kristy. Without her, I don't know if I ever would have signed up for a marathon, but not only that, she's been a great friend, co-worker and running buddy. 

2. Amanda. Holy crap! What a wild ride we have been on the last five years!! She's become one of my best friends, a supportive cheerleader, my massage therapist, my shoulder to cry on and my travel companion.

3. Susan. First she was a great coach. Then she became a wonderful friend and mentor. She is the one who influenced me to coach. She is the one who saw potential in me that I didn't know existed. She also provided a roof over my head during some very tough times. I certainly know I would not be where I am today without her love, support and encouragement.

4. Michelle. Even though we haven't known each very long, we have formed such a tight bond. I don't know how we haven't known each other for most of our lives. She came into my life at the perfect time. She has provided me with so much insight and advice that has helped me in my fitness career. She has been another shoulder to cry on and provides a lot of emotional support, but she also doesn't take my crap! She's not afraid to tell me to stop being ridiculous when I need it.

I could just go on and on about all of the people in my life, but I would be writing forever. There have been so many people over the last few years who have touched my heart. They have made this transition in my life so much easier. They have been supportive when I've needed it. They have been inspiring to me, too. I know if they can get through some of their tough times, I'll be able to get through mine. 

I can choose to be sad and feel sorry for myself or I can look ahead and see all of the opportunities that are now open to me. I'll feel sad and sorry for myself for a minute or two here and there, but most of the time, I'm looking ahead. I have a whole new life ahead of me. I have a new book to write, a new path to take and more adventures to be had. The best part is I have so many people in my life to share it all with.