Yesterday I was reminded of just how important it is to surround yourself with the right people. By my nature, I tend to be a very kind-hearted and accepting person. I am encouraging and tend to overlook people’s shortcomings and focus on their positive attributes, even when they can’t. I believe this makes me a good coach, personal trainer and friend. However, as I have found through the years, it also attracts people who will take advantage of it.
Over the last few years I have struggled with where to draw the line, when to give up on people and when to just completely cut people out. I pride myself on being the positive influence in peoples’ lives. I want to be there when someone needs a shoulder to cry on, when they need some encouragement, when they need someone to point out the good things. Not everyone has that or has someone who will give them a chance. But when that sentiment is not reciprocated and you are faced with nothing but negativity from someone, when they try to tear down your own accomplishments or criticize you, it’s just time to draw the line.
I give too much of myself sometimes because I believe so much in people. I believe in them when they don’t believe in themselves because I’ve been there. There have been times in my life when I have felt as though the odds were stacked against me, I didn’t know how I would accomplish my goal or get through a tough situation. I had little support or refused it, but somehow, I managed to make it through whatever situation.
Sometimes, you just need one conversation with someone to get back on track and get that little bit of energy you need to make it. That’s what I hope to provide to others. I like being that source of energy. It makes me feel as though I’ve accomplished something great, something that’s bigger than me. I am also thankful to have others in my life who are my source of energy and encouragement when I need it.
I have realized in the past few years just how naive I may seem believing in so much good in the world and in people, but I still do not let that stop me. I just have to be a little more guarded. I have to learn to protect myself and not allow myself to be pulled down into others’ negativity and cynicism. I have to realize that I can’t save the entire world and I can’t make anyone change who they are. Some people are content with their miserable view of the world and of themselves. I have to be content with allowing them to stay that way if that’s what they truly want.
One of my favorite quotes kind of sums it all up:
“If you walk on sunlight, bathe in moonlight, breathe in a golden air and exhale a Midas' touch; mark my words, those who exist in the shadows will try to pull you into the darkness with them. The last thing that they want is for you to see the wonder of your life because they can't see theirs.” - C. Joybell C.
I have to learn to ignore and avoid those in the shadows. There are people out there who are worthy of my support and encouragement and those who are not. Even though I am a ridiculously positive person, I do still have my days when I need support and encouragement. I need a shoulder to cry on and I need someone to point out the good things in me. The people in my life who provide that support and encouragement are the people who deserve the support and encouragement I provide, not the ones who will just suck me dry of everything I can give and provide nothing in return.
Some people will take and take and take everything from you. Some people will take advantage of you if you allow it. Do not feel guilty about drawing the line. Do not feel guilty about saying no. Do not feel guilty about walking away. If a relationship or situation leaves you feeling drained and used up, it’s not a relationship or situation that is good for you. The people in your life should make you feel energized, happy to be alive and feeling good about yourself. If they don’t, walk away, run away, leave as quickly as you can. Life is too short and there are too many great opportunities you can miss out on if waste your time with people who do not respect or encourage you. The people in your life should lift you up, not tear you down.
I’m fortunate to have people in my life who remind me of this when I need it. I hope this is a good reminder for you.
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