Changes

Change can be a very scary thing. I know it scares me A LOT! We tend to like the comfort of our routines. We like to know what time we will get up, what time we will go to the gym, the workout we will do, what time we will get to work, take a break, go home, go shopping. We watch the same TV shows, do the same things on the weekends, talk to the same people every day, and when something unexpected happens, we find it stressful.

Does that sound familiar? Yeah, me too, for too long. Yes, I do enjoy the comfort of my routines, but sometimes you start to realize that the routine you are in is not the one that is best for you. I think many of us realize that, but feel powerless to change that. Change is not easy. Change requires thought and effort and many times brings about conflict. 

But change is necessary and can lead to so many wonderful things in life. If the caterpillar didn’t change, we wouldn’t have the beauty of the butterfly. If the seasons didn’t change, we wouldn’t see mountains on fire with reds, oranges and yellows in the fall or fields bursting with the color of blooming flowers in the spring. If day didn’t turn to night, we would not see the magnificence of sunset. If the night did not turn into day, we would not have awe-inspiring sunrises.

Change is necessary for us to grow our souls, our minds, our bodies and our relationships. Change will show us our potential and the beauty we have inside. Change will enrich our lives more than we can ever imagine. 

How do I know this? I know this because my life has been in the process of change for quite some time. First, it was years of knowing I needed to change the situation I was in. I knew I was unhappy and not living the life and routine I wanted and needed. Next, it was thinking about what process I needed to take to achieve the life I wanted. 

Therein lies the problem. When you are married or in a relationship, you come to realize that you either need to accept the other person for who he/she is with all the faults and strengths associated with that person or you need to move on. YOU cannot change someone else. YOU can only change yourself. 

Sometimes, you change so much that what once worked well, does not work at all and you realize, in order to be happy, you must leave. That is one of the most difficult choices you can make in your entire life, but, despite the temporary stress and heartache, it is the most important decision you will ever make. 

My marriage was not working. It wasn’t benefiting me and, I know, it wasn’t benefiting him. He was not the man I needed him to be. He did not provide me with what I needed to be successful in my own endeavors and within our relationship. 

But, this was certainly not one-sided. I had changed so much over the years that I realized, probably before he did, that I was no longer the person he needed. I could not give him what he needed from a marriage. I could not be the kind of wife he needed and wanted me to be.

After years of trying, I finally made the tough decision and suggested that we go our separate ways. Trust that this was not an easy decision. But knowing that staying was not benefiting me emotionally or helping me achieve the goals I knew I needed to achieve in my life, I was becoming a miserable and depressed person. I just felt darkness consuming me and those who know me well know I am the opposite of that. I am not a miserable, depressed or dark person, but I was turning into that. That is when I knew it was time to burst out of the cocoon and become the butterfly.

It wasn’t just my relationship that needed to change. Over the years, I had realized that my career choice was probably not the career choice to suit me. Again, I knew when I was young that I needed to get a good job and make good money to be comfortable and be responsible. I have that sense of duty to be an upstanding citizen, to do the right thing, be a good person and not be a burden to others. 

I went to college like a good little girl. I got good grades, I worked really hard and I worked my way into a large law firm as a paralegal. I worked even harder and earned a lot of respect. Many attorneys rely upon me and seek me out for my help. It’s a good paying job and can be very rewarding at times, but what I have come to realize is my true passion is helping individuals, not helping big corporations make lots of money.

In the midst of my changing relationship and realizing I needed to get out of that, I began molding myself into a running coach and a personal trainer. I read and learned as much as I could about both. I became an RRCA-certified running coach and then an ACE-certified personal trainer. I love to learn. It’s part of changing. It changes your views. It changes your attitude. It changes your life.

These last few months have seen so many things in my life change. I started my own business, I left my husband, I’m working on a nutrition certification to compliment my coaching and personal training, we are selling our house (my dream house), I’m living on my own again, but I still have my day job and will for quite some time.

I don’t know what the future will hold for me, but I know I need to chase down my dreams in order to really live life. I know I need to travel which I plan to do a lot this year. I need to confront my fears. I need to face the obstacles in life head-on. I need embrace this whirlwind of change.

I have learned that when the situation you are in does not feel right, you NEED to change it no matter how tough that is. The alternative is worse. It may seem comforting to have that routine and knowing what to expect, but when you KNOW you aren’t happy, that’s no way to live. Trust in your instincts. Listen to that little voice in your head. It’s telling you the truth whether you want to hear it or not.

I have no idea what to expect on the road ahead. I don’t know if my business will continue to grow and if I will one day get to fully transition into that career. I don’t know if I’ll ever get married again or have a family. I don’t know if I will get that Boston Qualifying Time I want in June. I just don’t know. 

But what I do know is that I cannot go back to the person I was. I cannot go back to the person who was content with the routine and the safety and the comfort of knowing what each day will bring, yet knowing it wasn’t the place I needed to be.

I know that my place in this world is to help other people achieve their fitness goals and to help them have healthier lives both physically and mentally. That is what I NEED to do in this world. 

I also need to keep reaching for my own fitness goals and business goals. I need to keep traveling and seeing the world as I’ve always wanted to do. I need to do things that scare me. I need to continue to grow as a person both physically, mentally and emotionally. I need to never think that I am not good enough to achieve everything I’ve always wanted. 

We are all good enough for that. We are all brave enough for that. We just have to be willing to change. We have to be willing to reach rock bottom and sit there for a minute to reflect. We need to feel that burn of desire and chase it down. 

Life is too short to go through it as a drone. We are human! We have feelings, emotions, passions, wants, desires. We are dreamers. 

The tough part is being the doer. It’s nice to dream, but achieving that dream is even better. Yes, there are prices to pay for it, but they are worth it. 

When you know something is right for you, no matter the hurdles, you need to just go for it! Do not fear the changes in life. You will survive them. Do not fear the obstacles. You can overcome them. Do not fear the unknown. It will become known soon enough. 

Chasing down your dreams and desires and making the necessary changes in your life can bring about something even better than what you had before. It doesn’t have to be something big. It can be starting an exercise routine, changing your diet, trying something new. It can be anything that shakes up the routine a little. Change can have a bit of a domino effect, one thing leading to another, as it did in my life. 

Life is short. Make the most of it. Don’t fear change, embrace it.